Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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