it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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