There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
