I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
