Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
