TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Randomize
