She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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