Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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