I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
