so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
