she was so not down for the gang bang
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize