marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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