You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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