Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
