My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
