We're like a lot better than the average bears
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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