I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
