a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
