Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
