oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
