drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
