You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i will never coherently bang her
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
