So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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