Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
