How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
