Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
