like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
