when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
