Betty ford says i'm here all night
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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