does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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