I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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