He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
