I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
