so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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