Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
