Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
