alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
