In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
