You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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