when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
