i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
