We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
