There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
