Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
