Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
