Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
