officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
