just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
