i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
