i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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