i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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