It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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