Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize