some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
