my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
