hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
