I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
