so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
