I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
