Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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