He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
