I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
