I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
