What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
