you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I love having hate sex.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize