maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
