Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have already put on my inside pants.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
