She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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