the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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