Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
