is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
